Tyler from Alexandria, Va.
I wish people could take a walk in my shoes, because (before receiving treatment) I loved the feeling I got from opioids, but when dependent, I hated the fact that I couldn't stop it. I stole massive amounts of prescription grade opioid analgesics from a friend's father who was a physician. For some reason he had massive amounts of these drugs in his home in pharmacy stock bottles. People need to understand that we are affected by a horrible disease. We hate the disruption and pain it causes with friends, family, and peers. We are also very functional. I began using when I was 15 and I got good grades in high school while on these drugs. By 16, I had a dependence, and when I could not access the drugs at times, I would have to endure withdrawal syndrome. It was the acute phase that lasted about a week, but then afterwards there is a long period of anhedonia.
I have an anxiety disorder along with depression and ADHD. I would say that most opioid abusers have an underlying mental disorder. I finished high school, and went off to university and I was out of options until I found that Oxycodone was in a new formulation that was nearly impossible to abuse. So I switched to heroin, and I also used a needle exchange program and clean syringes. This was in the spring of 2011. I was an isolated user, and I worked hard on my studies and did well. Finally everything came tumbling down while on summer holiday. I decided to go onto Suboxone (buprenorphine naloxone medicine) therapy. I did inpatient, and then did an intensive outpatient program at the hospital system in my area. I saw a private practice physician within my insurance consortium to obtain access to the buprenorphine therapy. I think this drug is much better than methadone, and it is outpatient. I was 19 at the time and I really needed help. I have no desire to consume opioids, and I also see a psychiatrist for my underlying mental health issues.
I am 24 now, and I am working and after transferring universities and finding out what I wanted to do. I study mathematics and business (accountancy). I think if the buprenorphine prescribing limits were removed and all physicians had prescribing powers for the purpose of opioid abuse, things would get much better, and had access to universal health care. I wish people knew what it was like to simultaneously love the rush and euphoria of the drug, yet hate how one needs that rush to function properly. I think that the public at large needs to understand that opioid abuse is prevalent nearly everywhere.
I am lucky to be on a medicine that stabilizes me and makes me not desire to chase that rush. 12 step programs made my use worse, and I instead used smart recovery. It is so hard to describe the horrors of being hooked on this terrible drug. There are legitimate pain patients that need it, but some gets diverted. I feel stable on buprenorphine, and this medical option is a tool that works. I am glad I am on it, and I wish those hooked on opioids for the wrong reasons had access to the drug buprenorphine. My heart aches for those that are chasing the high and want to clean up. The war on drugs needs to treat users as a public health issue. Not as a criminal justice issue. Period. Harm reduction works and helps. Access to treatment that I have is necessary for those addicted.