Someone in Seattle who started off using opioids to manage pain
My issues with painkillers started about 5 years ago. A condition known as 'testicular varicosele' found its way into my life. I was in college at the time, and without insurance. As a recovering alcoholic, I know that I am susceptible to addiction, and did my best to stay away from opiates. However, two unsuccessful surgeries later, and then a third to remove a malignant tumor from my kidney (and most of my kidney with it) and I finally broke. I couldn't take it anymore. I had been living my life like someone was hammering on my testicles for 2 years at this point. I found a doctor that took mercy on me, and I have been on a slowly rising dose of narcotics ever since.
I'm stuck. I have to take the pills or I get sick. Painkillers have helped give me some quality of life back, while simultaneously sacrificing other parts of my life. It is a terrible burden. My wife doesn't realize the extent of the grip these things have on me. I don't know how to even begin working away from opiates at this point. I have been very diligent in trying to keep my tolerance down, but my dose slowly rises over the years, and now I take between 200 and 300 milligrams of opiates every day. I am back at work after the kidney surgery, but how long can I do this? How long can I just take this dangerous medicine til it catches up with me? But what else to do? How many times do I let them cut me?
I am not homeless. I am college educated and employed. I have a family. I'm not out robbing people to get my fix. So I'm not your stereotypical junkie living in a van under the bridge. But could that be my future? Who knows? I've never tried heroin, but had I not found a sympathetic doctor, who knows? I suspect my story is not unique.